Today is an anniversary...a day for anniversary grief. I felt down all day yesterday, my son reminded me that it is the anniversary of the death of our beloved Tinkerbell. I have never in my life felt so bereft, so forlorn. I guess this is the closest I will ever come to knowing how it feels to lose a child. And of course, I can't know what that feels like, and for that I am grateful. But I am also mourning the loss of my companion, my end of the day welcome home Greeter. He was my baby, my pet, my sugar. He never betrayed me; he never needed to forgive me, he always loved me unconditionally. Who else in my life can I say that about?.
He has been gone for one year. I no longer cry when I walk through the door expecting to see him; I no longer look behind me to see if he is coming when I let the other dogs out. I do, however, occasionally glance in the laundry room, expecting him to be watching me from the corner. Sometimes when I wake in the night, I look to see if he wants down from the bed to get a drink of water, and too many times, I see his picture jump up on my screensaver, and I feel the moisture in my eyes, he was my baby, my little one.
I do cry now, when I think of all the joy he brought me. I will never forget him. He was my first full blooded chihuahua and he was everything I thought he would be. I will always miss him. There is no replacement.
I love you, Tinkerbell, and you will always be in my heart. I don't think of him as dead, I think of him as watching from the Rainbow Bridge, playing now with Biscuit, Bandit, Roscoe and Pepper, Taffy, Pinky, Ling-Toi, Tiger, Droopy, Maggie, and A.J. All the dogs I have loved and lost, some lived with me, some lived with my children, but all were special and I believe they all are waiting for the day that we decide to join them.