tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-163852632024-03-05T22:39:30.566-05:00Butterfly DreamsButterflies only live 6 weeks and dreams are figments of the imagination. But what is the imagination, and what are figments made of?????Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-45905648759492193942014-06-04T17:21:00.001-04:002015-09-19T17:03:09.846-04:00Worldviews and the status quo<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">My life has changed
dramatically since I last posted on this blog.
I moved from my beloved Albuquerque, NM
to Louisville, KY. If you have
been following this saga at all, you may remember that I lived in Kentucky for
30 years, with a 2 year hiatus in Dallas, Texas, my original home town. I think there has to be some gypsy in my
ancestry because I love to move, well not the physical act of packing, loading,
moving unloading, unpacking and not being able to find everything you need for
5 months, but the being in a different location.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Changing perspectives is never easy, but when you move into a new
residence, your perspective has to shift.
Rooms aren’t in the same place, not enough cabinets, either you now have
a walk-in closet, or like me, your closet space has shrunk 200%. Some good things, being closer to family,
reacquainting self with old friends, or making new ones, finding things to do
in the new city/town/neighborhood, all these things require an adjustment in
habits, which can result in a new perception of things, and if you are lucky, a
complete paradigm shift. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Once you change your perspective a few times, it becomes easier to
open yourself up to the possibility that you don’t know everything or that your
worldview isn’t the only one and could possibly be causing you harm. And once
you look at the world with a different
view, you will never be the same again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-80687260227366119592012-10-19T11:56:00.000-04:002015-09-19T17:09:05.038-04:00Fantasies, dreams and European princesses<b id="internal-source-marker_0.23280256241559982" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let me start at the very beginning, it’s the very best place to start. I’ve always wanted to write a book, and I wrote a novella when I was twelve. That should be a sign that many more are to follow, but alas, the characters in Elise and Alycia are long since dead. And even if they were still alive, it’s unlikely that two published writers, with their two Pekingese sailing across the Atlantic to Europe would want to be the star characters in another one of my melodramas. Oh, I’ve loads of characters, it’s just that none of them want to do anything but sit on the page. There was that one woman, what was her name? I don’t even remember, but that’s not the issue. She was a very likely candidate for a best seller, but then she went and offed herself in an expensive hotel with champagne and lobster at the side of her bed. She was passionate, inventive and posh to the end. But the end did come and her sap of a husband doesn’t interest me enough to write about him. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I moved to New Mexico, romantically, I might add. (I know you are expecting a torrid love affair, but you are going to have to wait a long time for that to happen.) No, my romance was with the landscape, the desert, the mountains, the beautiful Turquoise Trail, it all captured my imagination and I had visions of writing Pulitzer Prize winning novels, or at least a Pushcart Prize. I have the talent, I know I do…so many people have told me so, let’s see, my first grade teacher, even at age 6, I had a powerful imagination. I told story after story about the European princess who was whisked away by gypsies and sold to an unsuspecting couple, (who happened to have the same last name as my parents!) I remember when I first read the Princess and the Pea, I knew I was royalty, because my body is sensitive to the least little uncomfortableness. Even then, fantasizing a different life. Then there was my 2</span><span style="font-size: 10px; vertical-align: super; white-space: pre-wrap;">nd</span><span style="font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> grade teacher, and my 3</span><span style="font-size: 10px; vertical-align: super; white-space: pre-wrap;">rd</span><span style="font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and well, you get the idea. The most “acclaim” I got was when I was a junior in high school and Mrs. Scott urged me to join the writer’s club at school and I published my first poems in the little publication that we put out and sold for a quarter. She was a beautiful woman, in more ways than one, gentle and very committed to her students. For a while, I considered being in love with her, in fact, I used to walk along the street where she lived in the hopes that she would walk out and say, “Linda, darling! I’ve been waiting for you to come by. I’ve decided I’m in love with you and I am going to leave my husband and children. We are going to move to New York and write novels together.” But that fantasy quickly died when I fell in love with my science teacher, Mr. Tate. Now that was REAL love. He was amazing. Oh, yes, he was nearly bald, but that only endeared him to me. He was tall, thin, balding, and old, ever so old (probably 36!) I didn’t do as well in that fantasy, we did have a little fling, but he ended up falling in love with the music teacher, Ms. Brown, who happened to be in love with the gym teacher, Ms. Ford. Now this was the 60s so none of this was on the outside, but if you lived in the school 8 hrs a day, you pick up on things.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I all but quit writing after school because I was too busy having babies. It seems that all my creative energy was put into making them, then birthing them, then taking care of them. Them and the house, the house demanded lots of attention, too. Sweeping and mopping and vacuuming, washing clothes, and oh, the cooking. Day after day, another meal, another opportunity to use the French Chef’s cookbook and make daring main dishes and posh desserts, which the hubby then said tasted terrible and why couldn’t I stick to steak and potatoes? None of the chauteaubriand, or the baked Alaska. He wanted chocolate cake with the worst possible icing you can imagine, but it was what his mama made and that is what he wanted. </span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-90535482255934418102012-09-29T19:38:00.000-04:002012-10-19T10:54:41.372-04:00If you build it...September 23, 2012<br />
<br />
I seem to have developed a habit of updating this blog in September every year. That is the time of fresh ink on paper, spiral notebooks, and visions of new possibilities. Alas, I seldom follow through on that dreaming UNLESS I go back to school And I would LOVE to do that, but not this September. Maybe next.September. <br />
<br />
For 2012, I am doing something different. Actually committing to a program of living the dream. How to do that? Well, the first step is to enlist a coach to ensure that I stick to that commitment. I have done that. Next step is to dream a little bigger. Not to settle for small dreams, because small dreams create small realities. <br />
<br />
I am stepping out into another vibration. One that is a match to what I have always wanted to achieve in my life. I'm on my way to collecting the bits, pieces and fragments that have gathered over the past 30 years, a poem here, a fragment of a short story there, an unfinished novel. Weeding out the chaff, gathering the wheat into a collection that I can be proud of...and PUBLISH it.<br />
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A bold statement, I understand, but I am really and truly sick and tired of my own excuses. My own justifications for not following the 52 year old dream and doing what I truly love. I am committing to you, reader, to my family, who have cheered me on for years, but I always stopped short of the finish, to my Higher Power who gave me a truly amazing gift that I have hidden under a bushel, and finally, and perhaps more importantly, to myself. The person who has sacrificed talent for mediocrity, the person who has settled for less and thought it was my "lot" in life. To her, to the little child who dreamed a bigger dream than anyone else in her family had been able to accomplish, I dedicate the pages to come. <br />
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Which I also promise, will be updated more often than before, if only with a few words to honor my commitment to myself, to writing, to my children, and to the Universe. Thus I speak my imaginings into reality and share my true story for all to see (if they so choose.)<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-32957168498642350572009-08-30T10:58:00.000-04:002009-08-30T11:14:11.377-04:00Julie, Julia and meAfter seeing the movie, Julie and Julia, I'm wondering what task I could commit a year of my life to without any external reward. First let me say that this movie was anticipated for many reasons, not the least of which being that my grandmother's name was Julia, I have a neice named Julie (thank you Raymond!) and I SHOULD have had a daughter named Julia Marguerite except that when she was born, she was a Rebecca Jean instead. Those stories will be detailed in a later blog.<br /><br />Having said that, the other reasons included being a foodie and being a writer. I would have said wannabe writer, but the truth is I'm a writer. I'm a wannabe author and published writer, but I AM a writer. <br /><br />This movie gets four stars in my book, despite Meryl Streep's almost flawless imitation of Julia Child's voice. Having never been a Julia Child fan, it was hard to watch Meryl Streep's depiction, precisely because it was so on target. I enjoyed Amy Adams portrayal of Julie Powell better, of course, having never seen Julie Powell, I had nothing compare it to. Not a bad thing.<br /><br />The movie inspired me to think about what goal I could commit to. Early August I had decided to write as much as I could about perception. I managed to write several handwritten pages before I abandoned the project. I am a starter, not a finisher. My current boss asked me how it was that I came to have 3 jobs in as many years and I wasn't entirely truthful with her. I didn't lie, telling her that circumstances were such that I needed to leave each job and had been offered better paying jobs each time I moved on; that was true, it just wasn't the whole truth. The whole truth is that I like beginnings better than I like the satisfaction of completing something. <br /><br />So I write this entry in a blog that is very spotty due to my inability to stick to something. I must correct that last statement; perhaps it is not so much inability as it is unwillingness. Ability is innate; willingness can change. <br /><br />I'm wondering what project I might be willing to stick with for a year...or to its completion? I'm only committing to wondering about it right now. And to blogging about it again, but no deadlines yet. It's too early in the gestation to contemplate a completed task. For now, thinking is good enough for me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-56821363414505648722009-02-01T11:12:00.000-05:002009-02-03T07:40:22.685-05:00Suddenly SundayIt's been a long week, I waited expectantly for the weekend, and now it is almost over. Feels a lot like my life. I am trying to sort out what I am doing here (in Albuquerque, but there may be broader implications.) It's been a long time since I have felt like this. I am not happy. I thought I would be. Moving to New Mexico was my geographic cure. And for some things, it has been a wonderful change. More sunshine helps my season affective disorder; my allergies are practically non-existent here. <br /><br />I live in a beautiful state, I have a nice home, my kids are grown, and basically healthy. I have six terrific grown children, and ten amazing grandchildren. I don't understand why that is not enough to make me happy. Of course, I miss them terribly and that probably accounts for a lot of the angst. There is also this economic downturn thing, but so far it hasn't affected me (knock on wood.) <br /><br />I think the recent fall did more than affect my shoulder, arm, hand, and face. I think it shook up my brain; reminded me of how very mortal we all are; and has caused me to rethink my entire existence. Now, that is NOT a pleasant way to spend a Sunday!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-64552540505877449082008-12-24T10:22:00.001-05:002008-12-24T10:23:43.271-05:00Living with uncertaintyThis has been a year of surprises. Recently I had a fall that caused a facial fracture, and a displaced shoulder. On Tuesday, I found out that I may have a heart condition. Tests are being done, will know more after Christmas. Speaking of Christmas.....<br /><br />Can we scale it down?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-79827254632034727612008-01-17T18:54:00.000-05:002008-12-11T20:17:05.964-05:00A new House, a new job<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCizvD5GuS1btoChIu-02kc2CeOFfnusZuS9p8hNZTJuJ1jg2eD6CFA9uwjdQZ7SubVXyTsMF-JAVKzVV8CU3VOauvtUpv66dJWjn8ncd896_GUmlIznYb33qtLyvLUYrXJQt_/s1600-h/pinon.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCizvD5GuS1btoChIu-02kc2CeOFfnusZuS9p8hNZTJuJ1jg2eD6CFA9uwjdQZ7SubVXyTsMF-JAVKzVV8CU3VOauvtUpv66dJWjn8ncd896_GUmlIznYb33qtLyvLUYrXJQt_/s320/pinon.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156600011171749970" /></a><br />Talk about a long time no see. It has been over a year since I wrote in this blog. Partially because my stream has been flowing so fast that I could hardly keep up with it, partly because I have been making major changes and not finding (creating) time to write. <br /><br />I've changed jobs again. From Carlsbad to the Metropolitan Department of Corrections, and on to Value Options, NM also in Albuquerque. I've also moved out of the apartment which sustained me well for almost a year, and into the house that I've always wanted. Granted, it's not the house I chose a year ago, but remember the phrase, "this or something better"? That's what has happened here. I am living in a great two story house with a loft, a huge master bed/bath/walk-in closet suite.<br />And I'm loving it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-80196585673550392192006-12-07T06:57:00.000-05:002006-12-07T07:01:15.396-05:00Another few monthshave passed and I have been very busy in my new life. It hasn't been all wine and roses, or even guns and roses, in fact, I don't think I've seen a rose since I left Louisville!!<br /><br />Cactus, yes, beautiful mountains, lots of sunshine, but not roses. And still, there have been quite a few thorns. I guess that's just how life is.<br /><br />My energy is waning as December creeps on and I discover winter in New Mexico is still winter. It hasn't been the immediate healer I had hoped for. The downside of living in this body is that I have more than my share of colds, allergies, body aches and pains. OF course, the upside of living in this body is that I'm ALIVE.<br /><br />and how grateful I am for that. I know that life is fragile. <br /><br />And yet, we continue living as if it weren't. OR I do, most of us do, I think. I wonder what it would look like, the world, I mean, if everyone of us lived as though we were abundantly capable of changing our world.<br /><br />I know that we are. <br /><br />It's time we do so.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-1158725112675774962006-09-19T23:59:00.000-04:002006-09-20T00:05:12.686-04:00Okay, so it's not the house....I really love that house. Maybe it's the one I will eventually buy. But in the meantime, I am moving into an apartment this weekend. <br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2696/1551/1600/LR.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2696/1551/320/LR.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />That's the clubhouse, and here is the exterior;<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2696/1551/1600/Mesa.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2696/1551/320/Mesa.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />But you'll have to wait to see the mountain view until I get there and take the picture. OR NOT!<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/1263/2000/1600/mountain%20view.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/1263/2000/320/mountain%20view.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><br />Next week. Check back!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-1156658032776180932006-08-27T01:52:00.000-04:002006-09-05T22:44:09.130-04:00Moving to Albuquerque<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2696/1551/1600/myhouse.2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2696/1551/200/myhouse.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2696/1551/1600/mykitchen.1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2696/1551/200/mykitchen.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />This is where I'll soon be writing from. It's a short few weeks away!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-1156538821156166172006-08-25T16:44:00.000-04:002006-08-25T16:47:01.156-04:00About AlbuquerqueActually, the original destination was Santa Fe, but now that I've lived in New Mexico for 3 months, I've visited Albuquerque 3 times and I've only been to Santa Fe once. Reason? I'm falling in love with Albuquerque. It's a great city, with lots to do, and close to Santa Fe, so that's another positive.<br /><br />So here's the deal. Remember that QF post last month? Well, I sent the energy out in the form of job applications and have snagged a couple of decent results. In fact, I've been offered a job in Albuquerque. Who says you can't create your own reality?<br /><br />Go for it. Give your thoughts, dreams, desires to the Universe and just allow her to lasso them in for you.<br /><br />I'm going for the house hunt on Saturday!!<br /><br />All for now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-1154373490136897772006-07-31T15:17:00.000-04:002006-08-25T16:41:25.723-04:00Playing in the quantum fieldHave you ever had a day, where you just knew that everything was going your way. In spite of all the pain, tragedy and just plain meanness in this world, you knew that you were above it all?<br /><br />That's what I call playing with quarks! I'm having that kind of life and it wasn't always so, now I'm thinking that I can upgrade my small house for a more comfortable one, my small salary for a larger one, and anything else I need, I'm just calling for an upgrade.<br /><br />I'm putting it out to the quantum field. I need at least $5000 more dollars a year. I need a bigger home, more open, more Southwest! I need to live in a larger city and I need a job where every hour of my day isn't scheduled for me by somebody else!<br /><br />I'm pretty sure the Universe can manage that for me. What do you think????Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-1153407618534297562006-07-20T10:55:00.000-04:002006-07-20T11:00:18.550-04:00Metaphysical MisdemeanorsIt seems that I can be just about as happy as I want to be. The paradigm shift is complete. I have a new job, a new home, a new outlook.<br /><br />And, BAM! The universe hits me with an event so horrifying that not even I can psychobabble it away. <br /><br />What do I do with the lovely law of attraction then? The law of allowing? I just can't make the sudden death of the five year old niece of a dear friend be something that someone WANTED. Such a travesty. Viral meningitis, less than 12 hours, Lauren is dead. GONE. and her lovely mother, her dear older brother, and her father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, all left to wonder what trick the Universe is up to now.<br /><br />I guess traditionalists have a little better going of it. They can at least believe that God needed another angel, or that Lauren had done the job she came here to do. All that might be true.<br /><br />But, someone might have wanted to tell Suzie, Lauren's sweet and adoring mother, that her child was on a short-term contract.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-1135312698296586122005-12-22T23:35:00.000-05:002006-07-04T13:21:20.980-04:00Christmases Past and PresentTis the week before Christmas, <br />and all through the city,<br />people are shopping, and eating, and decorating<br />with a frenzy.<br /><br />I'm wishing it were July.<br />The best time of the year.<br />It's hot enough for shorts,<br />and sunny enough for the pool.<br /><br />What does December 25 have to offer?<br />Frostbite,<br />Bankruptcy,<br />family feuds.<br /><br />Am I a scrooge,<br />no, nor a grinch,<br />I'm just a realist<br />with a tight pocket book.<br /><br />My children love Christmas,<br />I don't know why,<br />I tried to teach them better, but<br />it didn't work.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-1127624366355576922005-09-25T00:55:00.000-04:002005-09-25T00:59:26.356-04:00Paradigm ShiftI’ve been thinking about ways to change the world. Obviously a new administration in Washington would help. Perhaps an aggressive democratic campaign for the next presidential election? <br /><br />Or maybe a more spiritual approach? Taking the time to smell the roses? Loving my neighbor? Cleaning up the environment?<br /><br />I think it’s time for a paradigm shift? A new way of looking at what is. Perhaps even loving what is???<br /><br />I've spent most of my life believing that there was an absolute truth, but now I'm not so sure, maybe it's more about relativism than I could have believed at 20, or even 40. Aging has a way of broadening the horizons. I'm believing that we have more power than we could have ever believed. <br /><br />I want to change the world. What about you????Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-1127273832005377162005-09-20T23:27:00.000-04:002015-09-19T17:28:43.171-04:00Just for todayI seem to spend a great deal of my time wondering what is going to happen next. There is a popular book entitled "The Power of Now" which suggests that to be happy we can only think about what is happening at this moment. If that is true, I am likely not to be happy very often.<br />
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I have a goal-oriented focus. For the past three years, I had worked on my Master's degree in Social Work and looked forward to the day I would graduate, which happened on May 16, 2005. I was depressed that day, if I remember correctly. A friend of mine "threw" me a party, and all I could think about was that I was leaving in 3 days for Europe. I especially looked forward to visiting the villages near Strasbourg, France in which my great-great-great-great (well, you get the drift) grandparents lived and courted. The particular great grandmother's grave I was looking for was Marguerite...my namesake. I'd always had a deja vu romantic connection to her. I found about a dozen gravesites with the name of Marguerite, but none of them fit the time period I was looking for. Still...I was in the vicinity. I lit candles for my children in the small country church in the village of Ebenbach. I imagined that first Marguerite kneeling at the altar and praying for well-being and happiness for herself and her children. She died in childbirth.<br />
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What does all that have to do with goals? Well, the goal has always been to write a book about the fabled Marguerite LeBeau and the fated boat trip that her husband would take after her death. The children orphaned at the port of St. Louis and when the family fortune was found missing, the conventional wisdom was that it built the St. Louis Cathedral. <br />
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So I've been looking back at the family tragedies. After all, the family fortune turned out just to be another fantasy, sort of like the novel I've never written.<br />
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And the delight that would come with earning a social work degree?? As short-lived as the family fortune. Almost immediately upon being conferred the degree, demands were made by my employer to take the certification test and seek licensure. More study, more tests, more outlay of cash.<br />
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When will today be enough???Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16385263.post-1125962310951141842005-09-05T19:09:00.000-04:002005-09-05T19:18:30.956-04:00In the Wake of DisasterIt's just one of those days. Not much going on. Labor Day is a pretty lame holiday for the most part. No presents, no parades, no special foods, about the only thing it's good for is watching the marathon movies on lifetime.<br /><br />But today, I've tuned in to the Hurricane Katrina coverage. I've avoided it most of the last week, mainly because I get REALLY upset by disaster, pain and suffering. Which might be a good thing if I were rich and had money to give, or even if I were healthy and could give my time and energy to the cause, unfortunately, I am neither. So I watch, get upset and am left with nothing to do about it. <br /><br />I wonder if there is something besides time and money that the victims need. <br /><br />Yesterday I watched the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. I hadn't seen it when it first came out because I was already entirely too angry about the war and the election and everything else that has to do with W. So what would I do if I became so furious that I had to do something about it? Not a pleasant thought.<br /><br />I finally decided to watch it because all my friends were talking about it and I wanted to get in on the conversation. Well, I am IN. I'm also INcensed and ENraged. But, for this, I think there might be something I can do. Is there an IMPEACH BUSH committee forming somewhere? If so, I want to be on it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0